Be warned. This is a long, long entry. >_> I need to rant!

Finished the stuff for Illustration. They sucked. I suck at using watercolours. >_> If it wasn't for PhotoShop 7.0, then they would have sucked even more. Thank goodness for image programs. You can see the artworks for the postcard here and the stamp here. Blah.

*Sigh* And if that wasn't enough to put me in a rather pissy mood (after I got up at 5am this morning to touch up and print out the stuff for Illustration), today was the day my mom got two Buddist monks to come and bless my uni-home. >________> They flicked water on me. They walked all around the house in every room and flicked water everywhere! >___________> And when they got to my desk where my laptop and artworks are... I nearly had a heart attack. Would have too if she had actually dumped water on them. >_> At least she had enough sense not to. *Huffs* I'm sorry, but I'm not a Buddist, my mom is, and whilst I'll respect their ways and beliefs, I want no part of them. So I was pissy. Frankly, if they did anything, they corrupted MY evilness. >_> And I quite like my evilness. Oh wait. I'm not suppose to let people know I'm evil... *Blinks* Erm. Does this mean I just confirmed that sadistic yaoi fangirl authors are evil?

Hmm. Anyway, Kouryuu-chan's B-day is on the 4th of Nov (o_O same day as Will has his interview...) and she requested a piccy of Past Phoenix chained to a wall, with his mid-rif showing, and his hair wet... >_________> I just want Phoenix to know... concerning the condition he is in in the picture... BLAME IT ON KOURYUU-CHANS!!! It's not my fault!!! @_________@ Gah. I'm glad he's chained up. He looks like it would like to shed a lot of blood. Somehow this picture reminds me of the drawings EE does (males, suffering...)... I think I'm disturbed. O_o

Okies, sleep now...

~ Caleyndar @ 12:35am

I *can't* paint anymore. I just can't. I need a break. I want to bludge. I... I... Waaaa!!!

So yeah, you might have gathered that part of me has had a mental breakdown. It'll be back in a day or two, but until then, there will be no drawing or colouring of any kind. I will take care of DPP a little later on, but that only requires a bit of folding and writing, which I hope I can manage.

Went on NeoPets today at uni, and finally got a reply from Michi, so I feel much better about that, knowing she's okay. My pets are currently on holiday, so they don't need to be fed, so they aren't "dying" of hunger because I haven't fed them in ages - no net at my new uni place and all.

Surfing DA, I kinda realise that my current level of ART is still very low. I need to improve greatly to reach a professional standard. Somehow I no longer feel that it's out of my reach, but I know it'll take me a long time to get there. I can draw almost anything if you give me a reference, but it's composition and colouring that is dragging me down. Hmmm. And there's also my self imposed ball and chain, that I've limited myself to an anime/manga style. It seems to be the only style I love. Which is bad when trying to find work. I know this. And I seem to be rambling. Maybe I should stop now if I know what is good for me. Yes. o_o

~ Caleyndar @ 8:32pm

So. It turned out Kouryuu-chan's compie died so that's why I hadn't seen her in a while. Michi... Still nothing.

Am at my place at uni again... Doing work for Illustration. Water colours. Expensive and time consuming, but well, it's faster than CGing... And there's something like they prefer originals rather than prints. Hmmm... >_>

Am still writing 055. Somehow it's a slow process, and I seem to think my writing has fallen several levels from my previous chapters. It's the lack of writing, I'm sure. *Sulks* Blah. And whilst writing this chapter, I've come to associate the word "whore" with Aether. >_> Kouryuu-chan said "slut" and I said a slut doesn't demand payment, where as Aether does. Kouryuu-chan just giggled. I didn't see what was so amusing. It's a fact, isn't it? :P

Oh yeah. I've been here since Saturday afteroon. No internet, nothing. Just straight working on these two piccies for Illustration. And I've only finished one so far. >_> The other one will take forever, I just know it. Too much bloody detail. I dig my own grave. And I can't colour with water colours if my life depended on it. >_> I've come to depend on Photoshop's features too much. I'm so bad at picking half decent colour combinations. *Sigh*

Internet isn't on at home either... Since I'm over my d/l limit and am capped to 72Ks atm, I figured I'll just stop d/ling until I'm under it again and then just go on a splurge and clear out my d/l list over 3 or 4 days... Woot for 512K connection. ^_^

I think I better get to sleep now. Too tired to see the piccie clearly to colour anymore. Will get up early tomorrow and do some more...

~ Caleyndar @ 11:37pm

I'm sleepy. I will probably go to bed soon. Right now I'm working on some designs for Illustration. Which isn't too bad. I am just glad that the presentation I had today is over and that's it for one subject. Ho hum.

I'm missing people. There are people I haven't talked to in ages and I miss them and worry about them. First and foremost is Michi. I haven't talked to her in months, and she's a close friend. She just doesn't seem to come online anymore, and I don't know what's happened to her. It might be she's just really busy? And then there's Kouryuu-chans. Though it hasn't been months, and not even weeks, blah... I know I don't always talk to my friends even when they're online, but I like to see there name there to know they're alright and stuff. *Nods to self* Like Trinity-sama and Knight-kun. I love them lots, but I don't always talk to them. Busy, nothing to say... but it's enough to know they're there, you know? Who am I talking to? x_x

I guess I'm feeling a bit... blah atm. Stuck in my new house, all by myself. Lots of quiet thinking time, which isn't too bad a thing, but well, maybe I ought to buy those birds. >_> Should I? o_O

Lately, whenever I see merely a reference to a relationship that's caring and considerate, I immedately ask, "why the hell doesn't anything like this happen in Divinitas?!" ... I am feeling like I am a cold uncaring person who can't even comprehend a decent relationship. Something like... I believe I can't ever love anyone unconditionally - or even fairly. Or love at all. Lust is so easy to understand. Love... makes me twitch. Yes, I am babbling. I guess it would be best if I got back to work? Yeah, yeah. Ja ne.

~ Caleyndar @ 10:10pm

Woot! So. On thursday and friday night, I had 4 and 2 hours sleep respectively. And, on Saturday morning, I got up at 5:45am to finish the piccy of GrypsxDraco, and then rushed to the anime convention. I made it! I got there and subbmitted the horribled printed not even A4-sized print, and then I had fun, all by myself! Spent much money. Brought 3 pencil boards, a wallscroll, an artbook, a clear file, and a HnG keychain! ^____^ I also watched the cosplay comp, and it was muchly funny. There was a group who was playing Gravitation (Yuki Eiri was the only male cosplayer) and there was much glompage on the stage. I also noted that the announcer got molested much (by both males and females) and it's a rather hazardeous job. o_O

That was all yesterday. Today, the 2nd day of the convention, btw, I am stuck at home, doing work. *Sigh* Life is unfair. But you know, one year, I will be at the artist tables selling my stuff. I *will* finish Divinitas and self publish! I *will* make an artbook for it too! Mwahahahahahahaa!

Oh yeah, I went over my 16gig d/l for this month, and am being capped to 72Ks atm. *Sigh* Not good when there are so many new series and eps coming out. >_>

~ Caleyndar @ 8:23am

I've come to the conclusion Gryps has too much hair. At the rate I'm going it's going to take 4 layers just to define all his stupid hair. Damn you Gryps-san! >_> But yeah, finished working on Gryps' and Draco's skin, and am now CGing Gryps' hair... I can't say this is a fun experience at all. If I do finish this piccy in time, I guess I will go to the convention on Saturday at least... It will only be A4 in size though, which is kinda sucky...

Well, anyway, some new animes have been released, and I watched the first ep of two of them before I had to come over here to uni where I still don't have internet connection (though I'm actually staying at my new place now - it is most quiet and wonderful compared to the uni place). Avenger and Gilamesh. Damn. I was going to post the whole list of new stuff I intend to get, but then realised it's on my other computer... >_> Anyway! Avenger looks interesting and the female lead is kinda cool. Seems to be another fighting adventure type thingy. Gilamesh is overly dark (I mean literally!) and the drawing style is rubbing against my nerves a bit. Looks like another post-technology breakdown thing. Rather... in your face with it's dialogue... "There's blood in my pee"...

This weekend, I have to do the two drawings for my Illustration project, and prepare my presentation for 20th Century Design Histories. Oh, how fun. At least the drawing part won't kill me with bordom... ^_^ Then again, two out of the three characters I'm drawing at female, so... >_>

~ Caleyndar @ 8:47am

Well... There goes another month. Time files. My one week break is over, and I didn't get anything done. I seriously had no time... was working and travelling too much. Damn new place and damn both my work. >_> I don't even what to think about all the things I have due next week that I haven't even started. X____x

Ummm. I haven't been able to finish anything for Divinitas yet either. *Sigh* It's not fair, na? But something really good happened. o_o Someone actually brought a Divinitas print off the website! I was so happy... I dunno who brought it, but I am most grateful! ^____^

Anyway, anime convention, animania is on next weekend. I am doubting I will go... No one to go with, too busy, don't have any artworks finished for the art exhibition... Blah. There is always next year? Oh well...

Oh yes! I finished watching DNAngel and Matantei Loki Ragnarok. Hmmm... DNAngel was a complete disappointment. It had so much potential and it just... died. As for Loki... It is much cute and nice to watch, but again... the ending didn't satisfy me. Really, a good ending these days in anime is asking too much, isn't it? X_x Though... The end of GetBackers wasn't too bad. I liked that anime too. ^_^... Yes, many animes finished/finishing... New animes starting this month. Will be getting several. I go now. o_o

~ Caleyndar @ 10:49pm